“Trump.” The figure hissed with the voice of a thousand god-hating liberals, chubby jowls wobbling like jelly. “Kim.” He growled, squeezing the grips of his pistols. Every roll of its body radiated pure communism, so much that some of the weaker soldiers were instantly transformed into Birkenstock-wearing hippies on the spot. A cape made from the fur of orphaned puppies hung from its back. Everyone stopped in their tracks, then watched in horror as a portly figure burst from the ground, glowing with an unholy crimson light. Like an amoeba of justice enveloping a food particle of tyranny, American forces slowly surrounded the shrinking pocket of undead. Trump and his valiant allies walked over a carpet of un-undead zombies. Others were so caught up in patriotic fervor that they threw away their rifles and started ripping zombies apart with their bare hands. Some fired bursts of red, white and blue energy from their eyes. At the sound of America’s new national anthem, American troops leaped from their bunkers and charged the zombies while Trump cut a swathe through the monsters with blasts from Liberty and Justice, while destroying any that got too close with one of his flesh-melting glares.Īs he fought, his accompanying troops were washed in 1.5 megawashingtons of pure patriotic energy. “Lets make America great again!” As if on cue, the strains of Metallica’s “For Whom the Bell Tolls” boomed over the battlefield. “Come on, you deplorables!” Trump shouted with the voice of a thousand Liberty Bells. There was a sound like a screeching eagle, and the zombie’s head exploded in a spray of homemade apple pie filling. Without even looking, he aimed Liberty at the cybernetic cadaver and squeezed the trigger. Were they patriotic? Hell yes.Ī cyber-zombie crawled towards Trump, clawing at his bald eagle-feather pants. Now they were thirsty for the blood of a new tyrant. Forged from 200% American steel and decorated with screaming eagles, they were the weapons that had ended the reign of Mecha-Putin and the evil sorceress Y’rallih. The trance slowly faded, and the zombies started resuming what they did best, trudging towards the American lines like a solid wall of rotting flesh.Trump gave a mighty scowl and whipped out his custom-made 1.776 caliber revolvers, Liberty and Justice. Simply looking at him was enough to make both woman and men swoon. His thirteen-pack abs, which no shirt could ever contain, gleamed in the weak sunlight. More than any man.Ī thousand American soldiers cheered as Super-President Donald Trump climbed out of the ultra-patriotic crater, orange hair blowing in the breeze. As the dust cleared, they could see a man standing in a crater shaped like George Washington’s head. Soldiers froze where they were, jaws slack. The bomb bay doors opened, and a small figure jumped out and slammed into the ground with a sound like a thousand liberty bells ringing at once. Just as it seemed all was lost, a B-52 painted with the stars and stripes swooped low over the battlefield, trailing red, white, and blue contrails. Already they were forcing their way through the razor wire, slicing themselves to ribbons in their hunger. Yet the zombies showed no sign of letting up. Hundreds of American soldiers gritted their perfect white teeth. Congealed, clotted blood leaked from countless bullet holes, yet they just kept on coming, only stopping once their bodies had literally been ripped apart. Geysers of dirt and flesh erupted from the ground, blowing huge holes in the horde. With grenades, artillery shells, mortars, and a healthy helping of machine gun fire, they managed to hold the horde off.barely. All hungered for the flesh of capitalists.Īs the horde shuffled toward them, American soldiers desperately fought to hold the cybernetic horde back. Some with multiple arms or legs sewn or stapled to their bodies. They were, without a doubt, the definition of body horror arms replaced by mechanical claws and machine guns. They had been the North’s proverbial ace in the hole, thousands of corpses reanimated by evil communist magic and implanted with cybernetic implants. All along the DMZ, the dead were walking.
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